Showing posts tagged quotes
DEGREE
A woman and her grandson were shopping
in a supermarket.
The grandma realises that the kid had
picked a toy.
She calls out; ''Degree, put that toy back".
The kid returns the toy.
Astonished, another customer asks; ''Is that
his name?''
The Grandma replies; ''Yes, I sent his mother
to the University and this is what she
brought back..
Who is the funniest?
- HAUSA man who removed his shoes to
enter a
taxi.....
- IGBO man who went to the bank with a
spanner to open a
bank account.
- YORUBA man who went to bed with a ruler
just to know
how long he slept
- A TIV man who watched the news and
waved
at the news reader.
- AN EFIK nurse who woke up a sleeping
patient
simply because she forgot to give him
sleeping
pills....
- AN IGALA man who
lowered his TV volume because he wanted
to
read a text message..
- AN IKWERE man who polished his shoes to
take a passport photo.
- AN ISOKO man who climbed a mango
tree to
check
if the mango was ripe enough then came
down
and started
stoning it.....
- A FULANI man who chose to drink Fanta
because he thought sprite was unripe
- A GWARI man who saw something that
looked like shit, touched n tasted n said
"Hmmm" na shit ooo!!!
Thank God I no match am....
- AN IDOMA man who put his radio inside
the
refrigerator
because he wanted to listen to Cool FM...
Stupid Akpos
Policeman: Akpos, how did you kill 47 people
in a car accident?
Akpos: I dey driving at
about 40mph, when I tried to stop I found
that my breaks no dey work again.
So I saw
2 men walking on the street and a wedding
on the other side of the street, na where i go
turn to?
Policeman: Of course the 2 men, less
damage.
Then what happened?
Akpos: na
wetin I think o, but when I did it, na only one
person i hit and the other one ran to the
wedding, so i pursue the other one go the
wedding...
What do you think about this?
A woman writes to the IT Technical support...
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0
to Husband 1.0
and I noticed a distinct
slowdown in the overall system
performance, particularly in the flower
and jewellery applications, which
operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many
other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and
then installed undesirable programs
such as NEWS 5.0 , MONEY 3.0 and Football
4.1
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and
House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the
system. Please note that I have tried running
Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to
no avail. What can I do?
Signed,___________________________
REPLY:
DEAR Madam,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an
Entertainment Package, while Husband
1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulove
dme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and
do not forget to
install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that
application works as designed,
Husband1.0 should then automatically
run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and
Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of
the
above application can cause Husband 1.0
to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad
program that will download the Snoring
Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT in any
circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0
(it runs a virus in the background that will
eventually seize control of all your
system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall
the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These
are unsupported applications and will
crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great
program, but it does have limited
memory and cannot learn new applications
quickly.
You might consider buying additional
software to improve memory and
performance. We recommend: Cooking
3.0,showing of luv 7.0,humble 8.0 and
Good Looks 7.7. Good Luck Madam!
Technical support
If Ladies Were Banks.
The Tall Slim Ones Are called SKYE
BANK
The Robust and Spacious ones-
OCEANIC BANK
The Ones That Move from one
relationship to another- INTERCONTINENTAL BANK
The Silent But Dangerous Ones Are FIRST
INLAND BANK
Those That Go To Any Extent To Make
You Sad Are- Zenith Bank
Those who Are Not Cute Yet They
Love Being Heard Are BANK PHB
Those Who seems Caring Yet Debit you
Massively for Every Affection Are-
U.B.A
Those who are Old Yet They Don't Realize
They Are No More in Vogue are
UNION BANK
The Breif And Summarized Ones are
MICROFINANCE.
The Huge Ones That Stand Gidigba
For Ground Are FIRST BANK.
The Beautiful, Reserved And Homely
Ones Are DIAMOND BANK
THe Ones That Must Spend Their
Annual Vacation Abroad Even When The
Husband is Broke Are- GTBANK.
- So Ladies, Which Bank Are You?
- Guys, Which Bank is Better....??
